I’m doing the Prince’s Trust Palace to Palace cycle ride on October 14th and would very much appreciate that spare shrapnel from your pocket to help disadvantaged yoofs.

If you don’t sponsor me, I’ll hunt you down. Hunt you down and move your belongings.

Not by much, oh no – just a little. Just enough for you to go all “huh? I though I could reach the light switch from this chair..” and “is the TV facing the windows more than usual?” right up until your head pops.

So for your own physical well being, and the cleanliness of your walls, GIMME ALL YER MONEY!